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History of the decade, part 8: 2007 

May: Despite donning miniskirts during her campaign and raising the hotness stakes above what Geena Davis could manage, Ségolène Royal fails to become the president of France.

Yesterday: 2006


As Queer Eye draws to a close, it was discovered that the show had had little effect on making the world’s dictators nicer. They only dressed better.
   Therefore, more women were put into power after the well dressed men could not be trusted, with Nancy Pelosi becoming the first female US speaker, Drew Gilpin Faust becoming Harvard’s first female president, and Cristina Fernández de Kirchner becoming Argentina’s first female president.
   Nicolas Sarkozy becomes French president, promising that France would have someone in the Élysée hotter than Ségolène Royal, his opponent. Spurred by his victory, he begins checking out hot women. Frenchmen rejoice at Sarkozy’s respect of traditional French values and the sport of les reluquants.
   Tony Blair says he has done all he can without dying his hair, and Gordon Brown takes over.
   Karl Rove resigns his position in the Bush White House and considers starting his own TV show, Rove, only to find that the name had been taken by a short Australian gentleman. He is hired instead by a slightly taller Australian gentleman, Rupert Murdoch.
   After discovering that his attempts to sing Elvis Presley tunes in Memphis were lamer than the everyday karaoke bars’ ones, Shinzo Abe is replaced by Yasuo Fukuda as Japanese prime minister.
   Rick Astley becomes an internet millionaire after his video for the song ‘Never Gonna Give You up’ becomes popular online. After collecting millions in royalties, he promptly invests them with Bernie Madoff.
   The Nobel Peace Prize, which Hollywood-watchers now observe to see who might be deserving of a future Oscar, goes to Al Gore.
   For now, Martin Scorsese wins the Oscar after remaking a Hong Kong Chinese film, but all Chinese are upset when the American presenter calls it ‘Japanese’. (It is worse than the 2001 incident when Russell Crowe was called ‘Australian’, which offended both Kiwis and Aussies.) The usual jibes about WWII ensue, which pushes the Chinese to beat the Japanese and, in one of the last points of contention, have the largest car market in the world.
   As part of its strategy, the Chinese dress up a Mandarin-speaking diplomat as a white man and have him elected as American president, so he can arrange to have more Buicks sent to Shanghai. He is asked to meet a man with the same initials—Karl Rove—to get advice, but accidentally winds up on an Australian TV show. His popularity with Chinese Australians, his use of Mandarin, and his proficiency with karaoke get Kevin Rudd elected as Australian prime minister.

Tomorrow: 2008

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Ahhh, Sego! How I miss candidates with such obvious talent.  
Pity her boyfriend sucks at web design, which hurts her future chances …  
Poor Sego, I'd have helped out - she only had to holler!  
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Entries from 2006 to the end of 2009 were done on the Blogger service. As of January 1, 2010, this blog has shifted to a Wordpress installation, with the latest posts here.
   With Blogger ceasing to support FTP publishing on May 1, I have decided to turn these older pages in to an archive, so you will no longer be able to enter comments. However, you can comment on entries posted after January 1, 2010.

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